In therapy we often talk about the importance of moving beyond black-and-white thinking. It’s natural to seek clarity, clean lines, and simple answers—to know where we stand, what’s right and wrong, what’s good and bad. But this style of thinking can box us in. It can limit our perspective, keep us stuck, and discourage us from exploring who we truly are. Paradoxically, there does seem to be one dichotomy that we tend to avoid, and we might do well to rethink it!
What Black-And-White Thinking Looks Like
Black-and-white thinking shows up in ways that can quietly shape how we see ourselves and the world:
- “If I’m not perfect, I’m failing.”
- “I’m either good or I’m bad.”
- ”This relationship is either completely right or completely wrong.”
Such binary stances can prevent us from trying new paths, taking risks to explore who we are or who we might be. It leaves no room for experimentation, which can cause distress if it leads us to feel stuck in a rut. That being said, there is another side to this coin—a binary choice that, possibly, does exist.
To Change, or Stay the Same
Every day we’re faced with this quiet but powerful choice.
- Stay in the familiar, even if it’s painful.
- Step into discomfort, risk, and uncertainty and experience growth.
Navigating the Paradox
To say that black-and-white thinking can be a problem, but also that changing or staying the same is a dichotomy we all must face is something of a paradox. On the one hand, we don’t want to be limited by simplistic thinking. On the other, real change only happens when we acknowledge that we are either developing or we’re not. Is it a paradox? Maybe, but maybe not. Changing, after all, is about moving into the uncertain place—about stepping into the gray. We know what will happen if we keep doing things the way we always have. We don’t know what will happen if we take a different approach. This is the essence of the “fear of change.” So, in a sense, to choose change is to embrace ambiguity and escape the prison of the binary. Mind blown? Possibly…
Ready to embrace change and wondering how can you start? Ask yourself, what’s one small change I’m ready to lean into today? Nothing perfect, nor guaranteed, but that nudges you in a different direction, and hopefully toward the life you want. Try a small step and see where it takes you. At the very least, it will be something different.
