Are you familiar with the idea of reframing? In a nutshell, reframing is the process of changing the way you perceive a situation, thought, or problem to view it in a more positive or constructive way. For example, instead of labeling something a “problem” you call it a “challenge.” Another example is “enjoy the process”, where you are encouraged to view a long, difficult journey as something that has value intrinsically. Often the ability to make this kind of mental shift is extremely helpful. However, there can be costs to this approach.
Avoided Pain Can Become Anxiety, and Anxiety Leads to Rushing
While reframing can be very constructive, there is also a message baked into it that says the way to handle discomfort is to make it go away. The phrase is “ENJOY the process,” not “TOLERATE the process. The potential downside to this approach is that the drive to avoid discomfort can create significant anxiety when struggle does surface, an eventuality that is often outside our control.
Besides being an unpleasant emotional experience—one that I have seen put people into real turmoil—this can also lead to rushing. The thought becomes “Discomfort is not right. This needs to get fixed right now!” I have observed this most often with orthopedic injuries. Pain in the back, knee shoulder or wherever is obviously a bummer, but it is also a part of life as we age. Sometimes though, the feeling that this experience is bad and should be solved immediately leads us to reach for interventions before giving ourselves enough time to see what the body can do on its own. This can lead down a fast path to medications, injections, or even surgeries when more conservative approaches have the potential to get the job done. The trouble is, that sometimes requires putting up with discomfort for a while.
In the mental health realm, a good example of this phenomenon is grief. Grieving requires processing, and processing takes time. Rushing through it often does not lead to an optimal outcome. Grief groups often help to correct for this by creating a space where a person can be with their experience, rather than trying to ignore it or cover it up. That’s often not the case outside of these groups, because death is deeply uncomfortable for most Americans, so it’s not encouraged to be open about it. (A topic for another time.)
Discomfort Can Equal Exploration
Another cost of avoiding discomfort is that we may end up exploring less. In its simplest form, that might mean that when given a choice of two courses of action, we’ll choose the easier one merely because it’s easier. We may not really consider what the other, more difficult path has to offer. Similarly, if we find ourselves on a difficult path and an easier one presents itself, we may jump off what we are doing to go over there. When we do that, we deny ourselves the opportunity to experience a different approach.
Mindfulness as Antidote
So if one shouldn’t reframe or avoid something, what should one do? Mindfulness offers a profound answer. Mindfulness asks us to simply be with our experience—no more, and no less. It teaches not to change what is happening, but merely to observe it. This can be one of the most illuminating things that we can do in life and it is especially powerful in moments of struggle. It suggests that we can be in that struggle and see whatever is there to see, without worrying about what comes next. Paradoxically, this can create exactly the space and perspective we need to make an informed, intentional decision about how to proceed. Sometimes, that might be reframing. Sometimes, that might be resolving the trouble. Other times, it might mean staying with it and seeing what is there. When you are mindful, the answers aren’t pre-written. Instead, they arise out of what is happening now.